All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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