another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
