I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
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