Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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