The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
