Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
