Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
