What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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