I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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