I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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