So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
