Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
3 2 1 whiskey
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
