I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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