Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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