Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
