babies were throwing up all over the place
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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