dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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