went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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