A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
