drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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