Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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