But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
