The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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