Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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