Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
