girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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