I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
