so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
