my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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