i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
