Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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