I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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