kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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