the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
