No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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