I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
