When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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