Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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