Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
