In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
