When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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