you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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