Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
