i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
