so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think I died a long time ago.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
