Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
