Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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