she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
