hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
