I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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