I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
